It’s that time of year when we give our employees horrible gifts, following boring office traditions What’s the worst interaction you’ve ever had I need some ideas
One day, someone gave me a shoepolishing kit, the same one that had been on display in the store across from our office for years Apparently, he’d forgotten we were having a Secret Santa and quickly stopped by during his lunch break to buy more The best part was, he took the black polish, leaving me with only a cheap brush and polish with a hole where it had been I wore casual clothes to the office and hadn’t worn shoes to work in four years
Someone bought a wine cork, and the person who opened it thought it was a butt plug, which almost caused controversy The rest of the year was much better as a result
I gave a nice bottle of whiskey to a colleague who liked to drink for her Secret Santa I knew she liked the brand and couldn’t understand her expression of horror and confusion Later I learned she’d been in the hospital the previous weekend, unconscious from alcohol poisoning, and was completely sober She laughed about it afterward and hangs the bottle on her refrigerator as a souvenir She’s been completely sober for three years
When I was 18, my manager gave me a lingerie set He thought it was cute and that I’d like it, but it was a little weird and awkward opening it as a team
Someone gave a classmate a Secret Santa bag, but he had to use it all night before returning it When he opened it in front of the team, he dropped a bag of CocaCola
Sir, we held a lottery and my boss picked me, which was perfect I knew him well, and he had the same sense of humor as me On the day of the gift distribution, it turned out there had been a mixup some had duplicate names, others hadn’t been drawn It was a disaster So they decided to fix the situation by holding a lottery and choosing the gift they liked We had a weekend employee, a very wise and Christian woman She chose the gift that should have been for my boss penisshaped straws and a creamfilled chocolate cake shaped like a penis She was terribly upset
It’s not funny, but it’s very embarrassing We handed out our Secret Santa, and everyone received a gift except one woman The classmate who received it ended up not wanting it anymore I could see her hurt, because afterward some people bought her a drink I hope that made up for it a little
One day, my boss invited me over to his house and forgot to give me a gift The organizer tried to be subtle and told me I’d get a gift the next day, but my boss apologized in person When I finally received the gift, it was awful They also put me in touch with someone who had been bothering me all year with his carelessness I could see his screen from where I was sitting, and he spent most of the day doing nothing I bought him a lamp that plugged into his PC and turned on while he typed The longer he sat, the brighter it got They thought his boss had bought it I never got caught, and I don’t regret it
I was in sixth grade and they gave me a potato and a can of corn
A guy in our office once received a naked Ken doll with a note attached that said something like, “I know you asked for a boyfriend, but I’m a pixie, not a goddamn wizard”
Once, the employees held a Secret Santa celebration I wasn’t there, but I’d heard about it Basically, all the gifts were gathered and locked in a small closet off the manager’s office, ready to be exchanged on the last workday before the holidays Someone had bought another employee a fake “drunk driving kit” containing mints, gum, eye drops, and a pair of breathalyzers Meanwhile, the recipient’s daughter was in a serious drunk driving accident, and the giver had either forgotten or wasn’t sophisticated enough to discreetly exchange it for something else Traumatized by their daughter’s hospitalization following an alcoholrelated accident, they opened their Secret Santa gift and found this fake kit I wasn’t there, but the atmosphere seemed joyful
Someone gave me a lovely gift set with a Jack Daniel’s glass and whiskey stones They’re simply reusable ice cubes they hold liquid, freeze, and then use like ice A few days later, I went to Sainsbury’s and saw the same set, only this one contained a small bottle of Jack Daniel’s He’d taken out the whiskey and given me the rest
I made one online and sent a personalized puzzle with a picture of Leon from Gogglebox The person who received it was upset and explained that they shouldn’t have entered because they knew they’d get something really bad I sent them a Tshirt as compensation, and everything worked out
A young man bought an older woman a pair of panties at work Embarrassed, she quickly put them in her purse After spending the afternoon and evening with her, her husband found them and became very upset, believing she was playing with them
I bought a colleague a copy of Razzle, Fiesta, Escort, and Men Only magazines, disguising them as covers of financial services and pensions magazines Euan was off sick for Christmas, so someone was clever enough to give the person they were supposed to be buying for the gift they’d prepared, so everyone would have something to open It turned out Euan was buying a present for a lovely middleaged woman, Pam I appeared at the last second when I saw what was going on and snatched the present out of her hands I had to explain that it wasn’t appropriate for her, apologize, give her my present, etc, so she wouldn’t see Sandy and Jim’s Bristol fantasies with their cocks exposed in the women’s section Eventually, the big boss joined in, opened the presents, laughed, and spent the rest of the meal shamelessly reading them